When fear attacks a Mother’s heart

image by @emelinaah

Is it just me, or is fear everywhere right now? 

I’ve never noticed the underlying pull of fear as blatantly as I have in 2020. 

It’s in the unpredictability. It’s in the financial stress induced by mass job loss. And - as much as I’m obsessed with listening to every daily press conference -  it’s there lurking when I consume the latest update or scroll through my socials.

In a world where it has never been easier to ‘connect’ through tech, it has also never been easier for fear to go viral.

It’s safe to assume that everyone is going through some form of challenge or disruption in this season. But there’s a certain empathy I feel towards those in my hood – the motherhood.  

When it feels like the world is caving in, mums notoriously have this innate knack of picking up the pieces and carrying on.

But their ability to press on and put others first when life gets tough shouldn’t be confused with finding such challenges easy to cope with. 

So what happens when the world as she knew it, is—in a way—actually caving in around her?

When I consider COVID-19’s upheaval on top of the everyday challenges of motherhood, it’s clear: We’re living through an optimal time for fear to try and attack a mother’s heart. 

Have we ever been more vulnerable? Our routines have been thrown out of whack, our work is likely to have experienced some type of shift and the most mundane aspects of our days have been impacted by ever-evolving changes to our way of life.

Perhaps you’re frustrated from a sudden lack of creative zest, despite never having such ample time. Maybe you’re overwhelmed by the sudden balancing act of being a full-time homeschool teacher and 24/7 mother. Maybe you’re a brand new mum whose only option was to clutch at lactation advice via zoom; delivered cold and clinical. Or maybe you feel cheated from that long-awaited maternity leave because everyone is staying at home anyway.

Now, more than ever, I’m aware that there’s a thief trying to steal our joy.

Maybe that’s why it didn’t shock me to learn that the Perinatal Anxiety and Depression Australia (PANDA) helpline noted a 40% spike in mothers calling for support in recent months.  

The increase actually encourages me, because it means that women who need help are actively seeking it. 

From a young age I’ve always been conscious that for many, motherhood can hold some of life’s toughest mental battles, even when an ordinary day is all mums have to compete with. 

I have never had post-natal depression, but I have experienced it at many points in my life. 

It’s only now – as a mother of two – that I’m continuing to unravel the layers of heartache this crippling condition gave my mother following my own birth.

I had heard the term ‘post-natal depression’ uttered by family and friends as a young kid, and I knew my mum had ‘it’. I felt its presence in my home.

But it was only while watching Neighbours as a 12-year-old that I discovered what post-natal depression actually was. One of the characters was neglecting her hysterical baby, and when someone diagnosed her with post-natal, my mind connected the dots and it hit me like a tonne of bricks. 

Post-natal depression is very real. It saddens me to think that there was minimal research and resources available for women like my mum in the late 80s.

These days, we’re more aware that in Australia one in 10 women experience depression during pregnancy and one in six women experience depression after birth.

And after reading this insightful piece by the amazing people at The Babes Project, it’s clear that for many, the isolation which comes with motherhood has been a challenge long before the global pandemic. 

Even on its best days—with another human joined to your hip—for many, motherhood can be isolating. 

There’s never been a better time to be mindful of others, kind to others and actively seek to build up those around you.  

Combat isolation with purposeful, genuine connection. 

Speak life and hope over your situation and circumstance. 

Drown fear with the peace in knowing that the best is yet to come.

There are resources available if you need support:

PANDA’s National Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Helpline1300 726 306 (Monday – Friday, 9am – 7.30pm AEST/AEDT)

For immediate crisis support call Lifeline on 13 11 14 and in an emergency, always call triple zero (000).

By Erin Marie