One of my favourite guilty-pleasure movies has got to be ‘The Holiday’ (we will ignore the fact that Jack Black was a highly unsuitable choice of love interest for the woman who will be forever ‘Rose’ in my heart).

I love the way it captures the crisp British, albeit idyllic, countryside Christmas, I love how strangers become friends and how both women find new communities... #arthurandco and let me finish with the pièce de résistance; Jude Law in his prime. But what I contemplated recently is that, ultimately, this story is not about two women seeking an experience, it’s centred around two women needing rest, connected by their mutual need to escape their lives, however unrealistic and Hollywood it is.

I won’t give the story away too much but Cameron Diaz’s character Amanda wasn’t the girl I saw myself in…cool, collected, not a crier? Whereas Iris, the broken-hearted, weeping, hot mess…absolutely! Yet Amanda has a restlessness which I totally identify with. She has books she buys yet doesn’t give herself the opportunity to read. She works doubly hard over Christmas.

In fact, when she does have a holiday it’s almost as if she doesn’t know where to start. Almost as if she is attempting to perform the art of resting but doing a poor job of it.

You know what, I think we are all a bit ‘Amanda’ when it comes to rest. There are so many ways in which we publicly demonstrate our resting, but are we actually living it out? Do a couple of Diptyque candles and a bath really soothe our anxiety? Or are we at risk of trying to meet an expectation of what resting looks like, rather than really understanding that rest is a unique experience requiring us to look deeper and beyond what Instagram influencers and social media hype might advertise?

There is absolutely nothing wrong with baths (or a good candle, I might add!) and if it does work for you, brilliant. But we need to find myriad ways in which we can access rest because life is busy, hectic and stressful, if we aren’t careful we can burn ourselves out. I am an absolute example of this, only last week I felt a sharp anxiety rising in my chest, for anyone who’s had a panic attack or two, you know what it’s like. It was probably the most intense attack I’ve had in years, thankfully I had some good people looking out for me, but upon reflection, I realised just how I’d grown obsessed with ‘doing’ instead of giving myself permission to turn off.

You might say you don’t have time for rest, but I say, you need to make room!

I’m new at this resting business myself but it’s so important we prioritise rest in the shapes and forms beneficial to us. I used to worship sleep, probably because it was the only time I switched off properly but now I’m exploring rest in this deeper way, I realise, actually, spending time with God, a walk, cooking a good meal, writing an article all bring peace to my heart. Rest isn’t necessarily the absence of activity but rather the removal of pressure from activity.

We have to perform in so many aspects of life professionally, socially that when we can just ‘be’, it’s one of the most life-giving, nourishing things to our souls.

The other day I messaged a friend and asked her about doing a walk together. Her response was perfect, she articulated that her walks right now, were for her chance to have some much-needed space for herself. Sometimes, we’re so eager to people-please, we start denying ourselves that valuable time. Memo; saying ‘no’ to our friends and loved ones is absolutely okay, actually it’s essential (and no one will get offended!). Let me encourage you, it might take some time, some unlearning of bad habits, but as I write this sitting by an open window, with a coffee and sun pouring into the room, I feel so content. I’ve found a little slice of peace, now it’s time to find yours. 

How to find your rest:

-      Organise your day- a list before your day or week will help set you up for rest. It’ll also help you prioritise rest

-      Make rest a non-negotiable- If you’re giving out socially all the time, don’t be surprised if you’re burnt out. You need your space and time

-      Protect your space- Two can be a crowd, learn how to be comfortable on your own

-      Interrogate your rest- Is this refreshing me, is this nourishing me? Or am I doing it because I feel like I need or should do x, y or z?

-     Change it up- There maybe things that you’ll always find restful, but you may find as you grow you have different needs for your rest, and that’s okay

-   Say ‘no’ to guilt- Yes, you could be ‘doing’ other things, but actually rest is enabling you to do the doing! Without rest we are running on empty

-     Don’t worry- if your rest is going on a 10-mile hike, that may not be everyone’s idea of rest but don’t feel the need to justify it. We are all unique!

By Alice Dyson