Confession time; I’m imperfect. But I’m going to guess that you’re (probably) imperfect too? We all go through life making silly mistakes but also hopefully learning from them. In our imperfection we will inevitably cause one another little miseries from time to time, we might say the wrong thing, we might do the wrong thing even with the best intentions. But no matter who we are or how good we are, we’ll never achieve perfection.

Even though we know this, social media will undoubtedly do its' best to confuse us. We see a fantasy world of filtered images every day, bodies airbrushed and angled in the clothes often borrowed, gifted or sometimes purchased just for a single photo, in locations that make us often green with envy that we don’t have that life. We inevitably start to believe that perfection is possible but only if we become that person we see through the window of our phones.  

“Even though we know this, social media will undoubtedly do its' best to confuse us.”

I remember the days before Facebook and Instagram and even then, when Myspace reigned supreme as a social media platform, there were still those girls you just wanted to be. They had their hair just right, they wore the clothes you were too poor to afford and went to the cool parties. In my teens I was so desperate to be cool, accepted and liked but I suppose I felt I wasn’t enough by myself. I wasn’t this perfect, put-together person. So, I became friends with girls who were instead. 

In discussing self-love, we could hardly avoid talking about how important friendship is. Loving ourselves in part depends upon our ability to be wise and discerning in who we choose to be vulnerable and share our lives with. In my desire to be cool I chose women who made me feel like I belonged but not the women I truly belonged with. In the movies, we see caricature versions of selling-out whether it’s Heathers, Mean Girls or Never Been Kissed, all portray girls who trade in real friendships because of this desperate need to be popular, admired or envied.

And do these ‘friendships’ last? Not from my experience. If they do, it’s usually one person making all the effort, striving to keep the relationship alive…and how exhausting that is! Loving ourselves requires friendship which isn’t imbalanced but reciprocated. But cutting those ties when we admit defeat is difficult, we will feel sad, guilty and perhaps angry. Yet better that we can let go, learn, move forward than to stay in friendships that are unhealthy or toxic. Breaking up with a friend doesn’t have to be full of unkind words, accusations…sometimes these relationships left to their own devices can even drift away by themselves.

“Loving ourselves requires friendship which isn’t imbalanced but reciprocated.”

Today I am pleased to say I have a great girl gang; messy, fun and loving. It took a while to get to this place but I would fight for these girls with everything I have, they are worth it. Their love has helped me in so many ways to love myself better. Let me encourage you not to give up the dream of being with women who love you for you.

Perhaps you’ve had some bad experiences, you’ve chosen people based on shallow things, or maybe you’ve let the wrong people into your life…whatever it is, it’s never too late to find good friends, they are out there! Here are a few suggestions to help you get started; 

·      What are you passionate about? Politics, art, sport? There are heaps of communities out there for you to join and meet like-minded people.

·      Understand what you need from a friendship, really. If you know what you need, you know who to avoid! (Maybe take a Love Language test!!)

·      Take a risk on someone new but start slow. Friendships can bloom in crazy ways but slow and steady is great if you’ve been burnt out by others.

·      Invest more time into friends who are good for your soul. The more time you spend with these people, the less time you have for people that aren’t.

·      Get a mentor. I have older, wiser friends who have experience that I can draw from, they’re also excellent at advice and being real!

A Story of Self-Love Part 3 now available..

By @alicecathryndyson