A Story of Self-love, Part 1
I stood in front of the mirror and turned around. It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever tried on…a vivid green dress by my favourite label, Dolce and Gabbana. But the price-tag made my stomach lurch- if I bought it, it would be the most expensive thing I’d ever owned. My heart, my head and my bank balance did an uncomfortable tug of war.
Half-an-hour later, I left with a shiny, yellow Selfridges bag over my shoulder feeling both elated and guilty...
Why did I buy the dress? Did I need it? I actually didn’t have a reason or occasion at all. If I can be honest, my heart was hurting. I was going through some family issues, specifically with my father. Our relationship was strained and painful to the point that I’d felt there was no other option but to move away from my family. The dress represented a pitiful attempt to make myself feel better.
When I was going through stuff with my Dad I felt a lot of rejection. In my heart I wondered if my own father didn’t really want much to do with me, why on earth would anyone else? I started to cultivate a person who I thought would be liked and admired. A woman who had nice things, looked good had a funny, cool boyfriend. It didn’t matter that I was getting into debt or that the boyfriend was emotionally abusive. So long as other people believed in it, I could grit my teeth and believe it too.
One of my favourite movies is ’10 Things I Hate About You’, Kat and her sister Bianca have very differing approaches to their high school experience and Kat says this “You don’t always have to be what [other people] want you to be”. Being liked and admired is all well and good, but it is exhausting living up to the expectations of your peers. There is so much freedom when you can not only accept yourself but love yourself for who you are as well!
So where do we start? I think loving yourself starts with honesty. Asking yourself is your life costing you more than you can afford? Because I couldn’t piece myself back together with things; the dress made me look nice but my inner turmoil didn’t change because of a purchase! We have to be intentional and to be frank, I wish I’d been as intentional as I am trying to be today. It would have saved years of pain and disappointment. The silver-lining is I can pass on what I’ve learned to others, in the hopes they can start a bit sooner on the wild journey that is healing your heart and learning who you are is a really great, incredible person to be!
· Clear some time in your schedule for yourself, even 5 minutes is great and in those minutes speak kind words to yourself (or if you struggle with this, I love Morgan Harper Nicols)
· Journal; you don’t have to be articulate, these are your thoughts, your headspace, go for it. Goals, aspirations, whatever you’re dreaming of it’s good to write them down, it helps us be strategic about life
· Date yourself. Yes, really. Learn to enjoy time spent alone, whether it’s a picnic at the beach, coffee in a cute café, reading a book in the park. I took myself on a sweet weekend break and it was the nicest thing!
· Learn something new. Who knows what you’re good at until you try? Whether it’s a sport, a language, something creative or an accountancy course…it’s amazing what you’ll discover
· Cut the ties from toxic relationships and embrace good ones, lovely friends make the world of difference and are nourishing to the soul. Ditching bad company is a really healthy thing.
· Invest in your mental and physical health; being kind to your body is important. FYI I’m not a gym person, but I like to run a few times a week now, just to clear my head (I am the slowest runner!)
It's so important we know we can be ourselves without the caveats because there simply will never be another you. This story will have so many chapters…romance, adventure, thrills, tears, laughter but how much better is a story when we really root for the protagonist? Know who you are and learn to love her.
(A Story of Self-Love Part 2 now available)
