Worthy of More

image source: @matildadjerf

When I left to go travelling, an ex of mine ‘liked’ my Facebook status…and embarrassingly, I spent an entire evening trying to figure out what they meant by it. Did it mean they liked me going? Or did it mean they were pleased for me? Or was this their way of saying they missed me? Honestly, it was a whole spiral analysis! That wasn’t an isolated event, I’m sure there were plenty of other times where I was searching for hidden meaning when there wasn’t any to be found. 

What did it also show? That it was a very good reflection of the relationship that once existed. And dare I say it, many, many others I’ve had too. Bad relationships or just wrong relationships will always have a perpetual imbalance in love. One take away that will save you a lot of time; don’t settle for scraps when you deserve a full meal. It’s really easy to get drawn in by a person for lots of reasons and we then are flattered by literally any scrap of attention they may give us.

He liked your photo? He sent a fire emoji of your IG story? Is that really the marker of romance…? 

As women, we have so much to offer, so much to give and quite often we want to show just how great we are all at once. It might be to try and secure someone’s affection, it could be about performing but regardless of the motivation, in the busyness of giving, we often forget about the other side of the coin. What is this person doing for me? If they are not messaging you to see how you are, if they’re not asking when you’re next free then my conclusion is they’re just not invested enough in you. And you deserve so much more than lukewarm interactions.

I’ve often made excuses for people, how many commitments someone has, their work, whatever to legitimise why I’m not seeing a reciprocation from someone I’m interested in. Yet, we all work, we all have hobbies, friends, families so if I’m afraid if you and I can make time, then so can anyone else. There is grace, of course there is, and I have made mistakes of being too reactionary however, I’m at an age where I’m also readier to acknowledge when to call it quits.

It can feel awkward to break things off, or distance yourself yet, why would you or I want to settle for any relationship which feels distinctly uneven from the get-go?

If someone cannot see now in these early stages how wonderful you are my friend, when it’s the most obvious, I think you can kindly shut the door on that person. The romantic ‘chase’ we embark on should be one that is mutually fun, consistent, kind and respectful. If we are clouded by drama, tears and upset, I can only conclude that the only thing we are chasing is the wind because there is nothing to interact with really, just our own sense of hurt confusion.

I believe that women were created to have all kinds of distinctly incredible relationships. Whilst our experiences with friends and lovers may not have felt like that, I don’t believe anyone should sell themselves short and settle in suffering. We may have been taught to just accept blindly the scraps, because we fear that we won’t be given anything more. But imagine if we stepped out believing we deserve love? Deserve care? It seems almost illogical that we accept so little for ourselves, when we yearn so deeply for the sort of love that understands, that hears and sees us.

That sort of love is worth rejecting the paltry offerings of those who may desire you, but won’t truly love you the way you deserve.

Holding out in hope with you and for you.

Alice xxx