Failing Well
I worked in retail for 12 years. I started in a stockroom, then onto the shop floor and eventually I became a manager. It took a long time and it wasn’t easy but when I reached the highest point in my career, where I earned the most money, I just wasn’t satisfied. So, I decided to change direction. At 30 years old.
The problem with any big change in our lives is that it costs us. It costs us comfort, it costs us that ability to cruise through a day without really thinking, remember when you first learnt to drive? And how you’d be so hyper-aware of every pedestrian, every junction? What about now? Sometimes I’ve arrived at a destination without noticing! Stepping into the unknown, stepping into a new situation alerts us to every single mistake, every failure.
“The problem with any big change in our lives is that it costs us.”
Last week in my new workplace I have felt as though everything that could go wrong, did go wrong, just as I start the process of applying for a permanent position. It seemed almost cruel that my failure felt like it was projected on a big screen at such a crucial moment. Maybe you’ve felt that too? It might not be in a job, it might be in a relationship, business or school.
I think memory can be a little selective, the early years in my retail career weren’t easy but I sort of glossed over them. I didn’t really think about the number of times then where I let myself or someone else down because learning often isn’t glamorous, it isn’t always pleasurable. We are consistently floundering and leaning on someone or something else for support. That dependence can make us feel so weak, vulnerable and starts to sow fear that we will never get it together. Or maybe we’re not cut out for this change at all.
“That dependence can make us feel so weak, vulnerable and starts to sow fear that we will never get it together.”
If anyone had a parent or guardian who helped them ride a bike, there was that safe stage of training wheels. And then the stage of holding onto the seat whilst you tried to balance and finally the letting go…Remember the fear in Phoebe’s eyes when she realised Ross wasn’t holding on to her? We have to start somewhere, we have to wobble, even fall off. Similarly, we can’t expect that we’ll never mess up at work, never fall out with a partner, never fail a test. Failure may not be intended but it is inevitable because it’s often how we learn the best! We don’t want to repeat that failure so we grow from it.
One of my personal heroes is Natalie Massenet of Net-A-Porter. She built arguably the first luxury online boutique but it took a while to onboard brands to the idea of a shop-less shopping experience. Today Net-A-Porter stocks some of the world’s biggest designers. If she had given up at the first no, the first failure, where would she be today? Living in a fast-paced environment can trick us into thinking our development should be just as quick, that we should be as quick to fix, to grow, to accomplish.
“If she had given up at the first no, the first failure, where would she be today?”
As a kid I needed special help to read, I couldn’t work out the letters and sounds like my peers so a lovely lady called Mrs Brown patiently sat with me, coaching me and English became my best subject. If I’d been a teenager I may have been embarrassed or stubborn. But children are a lot more willing to shrug it off and try again. They’re less fearful. I don’t know about you but I want to get some of that grit and simplicity back into my life. Let’s cut down the excuses, let’s look at the choices presented, let’s take ownership, let’s be empowered to move forward without fear.
Navigating Failure like a Pro
Write it down, remember it, overcome it next time;
1) Identify- what was the mistake or set back?
2) Process- what went wrong, what happened, why did it happen?
3) Action- what are the best options to remedy the mistake?
4) Reflect- what are you going to do next time?
