Beautiful Diaries Part 3. Behold your Beauty
Image from Pinterest: Buena Vista Pictures, Beauty and the Beast (1991)
Part 3. of an exploration into our perception of exterior beauty and it’s impact on our mental health and self-image
Welcome back, lovelies! As promised, I’m going to share and explore some of the things that have helped me on my journey to self-acceptance and owning everything about my appearance, even the bits I don’t like. As I said, it’s a journey. So I’m preaching to myself, too.
8 Ways to ‘Feel Pretty'
1. Re-evaluate the importance of physical beauty; Disney may have sold us some dreams, but one of the reasons I love it so much is for stories like Beauty and the Beast (1991). As cliché as it may seem, it deals with the theme of inner beauty, beautifully. Belle is more than a pretty face, and the Beast is more than, well, a beast. It’s one of the few stories with an outwardly beautiful ‘bad guy.’ I’m sure you’ve seen it already, but why not give it another watch for old times’ sake – and see what you can take from it this time around.
Are looks really as important as you think? Challenge yourself to see that, contrary to popular belief, prettiness is not the chief end of womanhood. As for me, my faith in Jesus plays a big part in this. I believe in a God who cares way more about my character than the way I look.
2. Take regular social media breaks; This is a big one. Regulate the content you consume and never forget that appearances are just that – appearances. Try not to compare the reality of your outward form with the fallacy of Instagram perfection. Yes, there are many beautiful women on social media, and indeed the world. But as a wise person once said, the presence of someone else’s beauty is not the absence of your own.
3. Appreciate your overall look; Try not to zero in on small details you don’t like about your appearance. Trust me, no-one notices them until you point them out. Try to see yourself as others see you; a whole package. Take yourself in, all of you at once. Open your eyes to the bigger picture of your overall loveliness.
4. Receive the compliment; There are people who think you’re absolutely gorgeous – yes, you. When they tell you this, resist the self-deprecating temptation to say, “No I’m not, you are!” A “thank you” isn’t a sign of vanity. It’s a simple acknowledgement that someone thinks you’re beautiful and helps you to internalise this. But we have to be careful of the other extreme, which is relying on compliments for validation. Receive the compliment and allow yourself to feel good about it. But don’t hold onto it. You aren’t beautiful just because they said so.
5. Go bare faced; It’s easier said than done. But getting comfortable without makeup is so empowering. Don’t get me wrong, I love makeup. But there are so many benefits of going without it every once in a while. It hasn’t only given me more time in bed (heyyy), healthier skin, and that blissful fresh feeling. The more I’ve gotten used to seeing my face without makeup, the more I’ve realised that it’s just that... a face. Why was I attaching so much significance and worth to... a face?
And you know what? I like my face. My bare, baby, natural, far from flawless face. I now firmly believe that I’m cute without makeup. It may feel scary at first, but once you take that step – you realise that it wasn’t as bad as you thought, and you start feeling more and more confident owning exactly how you look.
6. Get dolled up; On the flip side, makeup is awesome! The importance we place on looking good can be hard to shake, but we can use it to our advantage sometimes. When we’re not using makeup to hide, but to simply bring out our features and play around with different looks, it’s so much fun.
Scrubbing up from time to time can give us a little confidence boost. “Look good, feel good,” they say, and I guess we know where they’re coming from. So, whenever you feel like it (no special occasion necessary) – get dolled up, throw on a cute outfit and, as I like to put it, stunt on ‘em. Experiment with your beauty and make sure you’re doing it for you.
7. Be your quirky self; I’m a firm believer in the idea that personality accentuates our physical appearance. I think we’re a little tired of hearing “It’s what’s on the inside that counts!” Again, it’s become a cliché and it doesn’t always feel true.
But haven’t you ever been attracted to someone you wouldn’t necessarily, on paper, compare to Denzel or a young Marlon Brando? There’s just something about them? It’s the same with you. There’s more to you than the symmetry of your face or dimensions of your body. Your attractive personality makes you attractive, too.
8. Behold your beauty; Do you think you’re beautiful? Yes? Great! If the answer is no – why is that? Has someone told you otherwise? Are you comparing yourself to the standard of beauty you have been fed through the media? Have you lacked the male attention you crave? Do you think it’s vain to see yourself as beautiful?
Try saying these words to yourself out loud (right now, go on): “You’re beautiful.” Even if you don’t believe it. Words are powerful, and you may just find that the way you see yourself starts to conform to what you confess.
If you can see yourself as beautiful, then as far as I’m concerned, that’s what you are. “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder...” so what if you’re the one doing the beholding? Beholding your beauty emits an air of confidence that is actually attractive to others; a mere bonus secondary to the many personal benefits of a positive self-image. In answer to part 1’s question of who gets to decide what’s beautiful? The answer is simple – you.
Central to fostering self-acceptance is the deconstruction of the feminine beauty ideal and celebration of beauty in all its forms. This means representation of all body types, heights, widths, colours, facial features, hair types, abilities & more - in every visual medium. Things are improving, but there’s still a long way to go. Ladies, whilst we wait for the beauty industries and the like to catch up, we are the representation. Post that photo that shows off your FUPA because you like how you look in it. If you’re on social media, you’re a content creator. You’re an influencer. Let’s use our respective platforms, however small, to show ourselves and each other that real beauty is ubiquitous.
It’s in every one of us, if we would only give ourselves permission to see it and live it out.
In conclusion, yes, looks do matter. But not that much. Looks may have some role in society and in our lives, but ultimately, we are cultivators and beholders of our own beauty. I am loved by a God who cares more about my heart than my outward appearance. I’d rather focus on being kind, godly, smart, loving and unapologetically me. Lovelies, be you, be happy, be free and be your own kind of beautiful.
As for me, this is the kind of beautiful I aspire to: “Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.”
I Peter 3:3-4 NKJV
All my love, beautiful xo
